District Line.

On the underground last night as I was making my way from my house to my ride to Brighton to see some of my most favorite people on this earth, listening to Al Green totally zoned out in my own world, standing up naturally moving to the groove of the incredible music playing in my ears. Looking like a weirdo as always, not caring as always. Although standing on a train surrounded by strangers, I was miles away. An elder man and his wife jump on to the carriage I am on at Paddington underground station, he looks at me, I smile, he smiles back with an incredible smile that touches his ears, his wife does not see. He starts grooving to my music, expressing his love for what I was listening to, he tells me he loves my taste, I lip read as I can hear nothing but the music, his wife smiles and begins to groove with us.  Even though I was already in a positively beautiful mood, this made me so much more electrifyingly happy to be amongst a fellow music appreciator, I could not stop smiling. What a beautiful encounter. 

Toxic.

I have no admiration for people who do not care about their bodies and overall health, people who are capable but lazy. An enormously large number of people abuse their health. Dabbling in mischievous things here and there is fine, I feel one should be recreational, it is pleasurable and a great way to calm down from regular regime as well as open your mind, so long as it is in moderation and not excess. Everyday abuse is simply vile and toxic. It does no good for your overall bodily health, physical and mental.

Try and change for the better, do it for you. Try to be the best version of yourself that you can be, it is never too late for self-improvement. Find help, you do not need to walk alone, unless you are strong enough to do so.

In the beginning changing your ways may be hard but in the end it will be worth it. Having improved fitness, body confidence, breathing easier, surly these things are so much more valuable than waking up every Sunday morning feeling like absolute death. 

You have the power to make a decision about what you do differently tomorrow, break bad routine now and build a better one for yourself and yourself only, do it so that your quality of life is as good as it can be. At the end of the day it is your life and you will do as you wish.  Your body is a temple, it is such an astonishingly flawlessly designed machine, don’t ruin it by making it toxic.  

Look in the mirror and check in with yourself rite now. 

Balance.

I have been writing on paper more than ever recently and so for that reason I have not written to the world in a while. I actually lost my brown, leather journal that I have been writing in so much, it is as though it vanished into thin air. With me one day, gone the next.

I have been talking to absolutely everybody as always. To me, there is no reason not to talk to everybody weather you know them or not, a hello to a stranger goes a long way. I can’t not speak or smile to whom ever walks past me.

I am finally in a place from within side of myself where I feel strong and in control. I have been weak in the past but I have always carried the potential to shed my weakness and grow strong. People have always had more confidence in me than I have ever had myself. My own negative thinking and self-destructive behaviour have held me back for so many years. I feel free from myself. I feel as though I have broken free from one of the biggest obstacles I will ever face in my entire life and this is the battle of self-destruction with myself.

I am free. My journey has not been easy or quick; it has been so I difficult and there have been so many points where I wanted nothing more but to die. I managed to confront my demons head on a deal with them one by one. I am so proud of myself. I am also so appreciative for the people who have helped me to find my way by influencing me for the better.  I have never had better friends in my life or met better strangers.

I have not had the easiest battle to fight; nevertheless I have found my way and have more than enough space for eternal self-growth. My mind is open, open to everyone and everything. I can speak about my feelings openly, something I have never been able to do. I have always carried such anger; all I could feel in my heart was hate and sadness. Everything is colourful now, tings are bright and my heart is open.  

Writing helped me to heal so much.

I am on a beautiful journey, life. My journey continues to evolve and be as thrilling as ever. I am doing the things that make me happy, looking after my mental and physical health, keeping the peace with everybody and everything and simply being at one with the universe.

I am so excited to see my path unfold over the years; I see great and beautiful things for myself. The future is bright. 

I have unlocked my energies that have been trapped in a box in a place in my mind; I am ready now to share them with you all. 

I was always in exceedingly high spirits, energized and full of life, or horrifically depressed on the verge of suicide. I could never find a medium place. Up down. I have found my balance, life is beautiful now.

I wont go into my general thoughts about the state of the world at this current moment in time, that is a whole other obstacle I must try to change with a lot of help. I am on my way.   

I hope you can find your way too.