Balance.

I have been writing on paper more than ever recently and so for that reason I have not written to the world in a while. I actually lost my brown, leather journal that I have been writing in so much, it is as though it vanished into thin air. With me one day, gone the next.

I have been talking to absolutely everybody as always. To me, there is no reason not to talk to everybody weather you know them or not, a hello to a stranger goes a long way. I can’t not speak or smile to whom ever walks past me.

I am finally in a place from within side of myself where I feel strong and in control. I have been weak in the past but I have always carried the potential to shed my weakness and grow strong. People have always had more confidence in me than I have ever had myself. My own negative thinking and self-destructive behaviour have held me back for so many years. I feel free from myself. I feel as though I have broken free from one of the biggest obstacles I will ever face in my entire life and this is the battle of self-destruction with myself.

I am free. My journey has not been easy or quick; it has been so I difficult and there have been so many points where I wanted nothing more but to die. I managed to confront my demons head on a deal with them one by one. I am so proud of myself. I am also so appreciative for the people who have helped me to find my way by influencing me for the better.  I have never had better friends in my life or met better strangers.

I have not had the easiest battle to fight; nevertheless I have found my way and have more than enough space for eternal self-growth. My mind is open, open to everyone and everything. I can speak about my feelings openly, something I have never been able to do. I have always carried such anger; all I could feel in my heart was hate and sadness. Everything is colourful now, tings are bright and my heart is open.  

Writing helped me to heal so much.

I am on a beautiful journey, life. My journey continues to evolve and be as thrilling as ever. I am doing the things that make me happy, looking after my mental and physical health, keeping the peace with everybody and everything and simply being at one with the universe.

I am so excited to see my path unfold over the years; I see great and beautiful things for myself. The future is bright. 

I have unlocked my energies that have been trapped in a box in a place in my mind; I am ready now to share them with you all. 

I was always in exceedingly high spirits, energized and full of life, or horrifically depressed on the verge of suicide. I could never find a medium place. Up down. I have found my balance, life is beautiful now.

I wont go into my general thoughts about the state of the world at this current moment in time, that is a whole other obstacle I must try to change with a lot of help. I am on my way.   

I hope you can find your way too. 

Testing.

One, two, three.

Pointless Existence.

Suicide is feeling like my only option. The world is a mess and is showing no signs of improving. What hope is there for a better future for anybody, including all of the animals of the earth. I do not want to be apart of this chaos anymore, it's all meaningless.

Idiots.

The boys always fuck it up by wanting more.

Corfu Walls.

Rage.

Somebody may be angry with you for reasons that you do not agree with. Eventually they will come around, their anger will pass. Everybody needs a little time to themselves to think about the decisions they have made.

Helen Tyler

As if she had just fallen over, she abruptly fell ill. Just like that, no pre warnings. One minute she was in good health, the next not so healthy. She could not swallow, speak or hardly breathe. She was calm, she was not her normal full of life self at this moment in time, she was simply numb. Her eyes were dimmed. She left her home to go to the hospital where she spends the entire night on a drip. 

Released from hospital, she came home early in the morning, like a superhero resumed all of her homely duties. This woman is strong, she does not complain about a thing. She knows that life goes on and on she goes. This woman is amazing, learn from her.