Ear Wax

I love cleaning my ears.

Spines.

It was really windy outside but the sun was out and it was still hot. We were swimming in the sea having a wild time, play fighting, splashing around, making jokes with one another when he stepped on a sea urchin and that was the end of our swim. Fucking spiny, globular sea urchins. Anyway once we got all of the spines out of his foot by using olive oil, a sterilised needle and tweezers we retreated back to the sea for a swim. 

Night Swim.

The sea was pitch black. The moon was in its crescent phase; it was a glowing dark, dark orange. The stars consumed the night sky. Together we made the decision to go for a swim. It was 3am, the water was ice cold, I felt the goosebumps take over my entire body as I walked my first foot in to the sea. We lay back in the water simply watching the stars. It was more than perfect.   

            

Colourful Place.

When I rub my eyes because I’m tired and they itch its like a kaleidoscope of shapes and colours, I want to stay in that colorful place within side myself for a while but my eyes begin to hurt on the outside from being rubbed so hard and so I stop. 

Watermelon.

He was cutting up a watermelon when I walked in to the kitchen, one of my favorite fruits of all of the fruits that one can eat. At the same time as my arrival to the kitchen two other people entered from different entrances (there are three), we all watched him as he cut the melon, he stopped doing what he was doing and started to converse with us, asking us various questions and telling us strange random things, he was being so slow it was so frustrating as we were so hot from being in the sun so long, the saliva in our mouths was already in action from seeing the humongous watermelon upon our arrival to the kitchen. He gave us each a large piece and cut some for himself, we got straight to eating it, each taking a huge bite of our slice of melon, we each ate our melon so fast, as if we had never tasted fruit before in our life’s, there was lots of slurping noises being made and watermelon juice trickling down faces combined with melon juice trickling down hands. That was probably one of my best melon eating experiences of my life.  

Person.

This should not annoy me I don’t think but it does. Every time we eat whether it is breakfast, lunch or dinner, he always takes his fork or his fingers and takes something off of somebody else’s plate to eat even though his plate is full. When he reaches for my food it pisses me off. Why does he feel the need to eat everybody else's food before he attempts to demolish his own. His animalistic behavior is for the jungle not the table. 

Octopus People.

Rapunzel.

I don’t know why when I saw her I immediately assumed her hair was fake, I suppose the reason for this assumption was that her hair was so unbelievably long and everybody I know who has hair as long as that, well lets just say it is not their own. Anyway I never care to ask anybody if there hair is real or not for I really do not care, the thought is for my mind and my mind only. We got talking since she was sitting at the bar and I was working, I asked her about her and learned that she speaks many languages and owns a shoe shop in Istanbul, I asked her the name of the shop and she told me it was called Rapunzel’s. The first thing that came to my mind was the story of Rapunzel and how Rapunzel had really long hair, instantly I knew that the ladies hair was real and not fake. I proceeded to ask her why Rapunzel’s even though I was sure it was something to do with her having long hair. She explained to me that in her whole life she had only ever had two haircuts, this lady is roughly in her 40’s by the way. And I thought I hated having my haircut, so much so that I only get it cut once a year but only two hair cuts in her life now that’s crazy. I asked her why and she simply replied that she loved long hair; she had her hair cut once in primary school and once at the end of secondary school. Here is to Rapunzel and her long, long hair.

Moped.

He came to collect me on his moped around midday, it was green and somewhat worn out. He is a friend of a friend, we had been talking the night before in the bar, he said he wanted to take me away from this place for a change in scenery, I said I would go with him since I had been getting bored waking up being in the same place day in day out. I needed to go with him so I could recharge myself and come back with fresh eyes. Riding through the town on the uneven, potholed roads with the sun beaming on our faces and dust from the roads touching my bare legs, he gave me a verbal guided tour telling me what’s what and pointing. We spent the whole day together but I wont go into all the details, only the highlight of my day. The highlight of my day was, we borrowed his friend’s 4x4 truck and drove it to the cliffs where we climbed down together and jumped in to the crystal clear blue water, making sure not to hit the bottom due to a mammoth number of sea urchins. Sea urchins only live where the water is clean, they don’t like the dirt, which is understandable. A few years ago I stepped on a sea urchin in Croatia, it was dark, the full moon was out and I did not even know to be cautious of them, anyway as a result I wanted to take revenge so I picked up a sea urchin making sure to be carful of its spins, I threw it on to the rocks on land and I told it I would eat it later. And I did.  I had a great day, I will go with him again, he is adventurous and even though he is much older than me, we still get on well and are never short of conversation.

Try.

Just go for it. 

Full moon. Bright sun.

I woke up early even though I had only gone to sleep two hours before. We dived in to the cold early morning clear blue sea, it was refreshing, very refreshing.  The atmosphere was peaceful, there were no people. The sun and the moon were both in the sky facing one another, full moon, bright sun. We swam around for a while until retreating back to shore where we became yogi people doing yoga on the beach.  To wake up to a morning like this is worth no sleep and I am sure this will be my new morning routine including your usual brushing of the teeth and coffee drinking. I will sleep when I am dead. 

I don't know...

Up. Down. Up. Down.

Thinking about nothing, just dancing. Fuck what I said earlier, I was in a horribly bad mood. I danced all night with amazing people to incredible music, I feel so much better and so alive, I am back to the self I like to be, I hope this feeling lasts. 

Jill Wilks.

I was sad and alone on the beach lost in thought under the full moon and stars when she sat down next to me crying her eyes out. Her face was glistening from her wet tears that were streaming down her face, she was snotty. She was clearly much more sad that I was. I asked her what was wrong, and from that moment on for the next hour I began to learn her life story.  She was sad because she was leaving behind a stray dog she had befriended at the start of her holiday one week ago. Jill had been feeding this dog everyday, they had become close friends and I could tell she felt a great love for the dog. Although I knew she was upset I did not quite know why until I asked her more specifically but why are you crying even though I had assumed it was because she did not want to leave the dog behind hungry and alone. Jill’s tears for the dog were because she feared that in her absence the dog would not be fed nor loved and this affected her greatly.  I forgot about my problems and became involved with hers for at this moment in time it was not I that mattered for I was not the one crying. After taking Jill’s mind off of the dog I got to know her by asking her questions, she answered them all without hesitation. Jill has four children, her eldest, a drug addict who has a dog named Gizmo an ex wife who is in prison and their neglected son called Louis, who she looks after as his guardian, her next son, a lost cause who works in a bits and bobs shop who doesn’t want anything from life and is quite happy doing nothing day in day out and a set of twins that hate each other, one a boy who also does not do much, the other a girl who likes to travel and this was the reason Jill was in Turkey to begin with, to visit her daughter. She said she has had a very hard time over the years; she was married for 30 years, lived in Spain for 5 years, has had various boyfriends who have mentally abused her since than and has also traveled to various places such as Bali and Scandinavia. Jill had blond hair and deep blue sad eyes. This woman was at the height of vulnerability and I felt it was my job to make her feel better since it was her who had sat down next to me on the beach tonight. After conversing for a while in a totally one sided conversation she asked me about me and I let her in since I knew I would never see her again and I myself was in the mood to talk about me and share my thoughts and feelings with her since I was feeling so alone by choice up until the point where she sat down. Jill had this terribly unhealthy cough, it sounded as though her heart and lungs were going to fall out of her mouth at any given moment, and her cough was so alarming that it made me squint in revulsion every time I heard it, really it was deathly. My body hurt inside every time she made the sound that made me feel as though she was going to drop dead beside me in her highly vulnerable state. Not crying but still snotty she told me she smokes a lot. I did not need her to tell me this for me to know the cause of her deathly cough. I had a bottle of water in my back pack which I gave to her and told her to keep for I sure as hell did not want it back for myself. Anyway I learnt a lot more about Jill than I am expressing but I don’t feel like you need to know all the details. I’m happy that she came to me, a lonely stranger on the beach for she put me in a better mood as did I her. She was leaving soon to go to the airport and had not yet packed, we talked so long that when she asked me the time and I told her she panicked and realized she had to rush, it was 9.40, she was leaving at 10, Jill needed to shower and pack, I told her to forget the shower. She gave me her address and told me I could stay with her, she lives in Brighton, I wrote down her address in my note book but I am almost certain I wont be in contact with her again,  She was lovely and I  am pleased we met but I just cannot keep in contact with every stranger I meet, for I meet and befriend so many different strangers that I believe it is only our destiny to meet each other once unless we click and connect on such a level that I would be a fool to let that person go, and that is how friends come to be, for we were all strangers from each other once.

Bittersweet.

Alone on the beach I inscape for hours, thinking, thinking, thinking, thinking about anything and everything that comes to mind. Lonely. Secretly wishing to be disturbed.  Not happy. Not sad.  Not anything but alone in a world full of people. 

Bad Apple.

A delicious looking beautiful red apple, I take a bite, ready for the juice to consume my mouth and momentarily satisfy me as it feeds my body. It does not, it repulses me, it is mushy. I am disappointed. Looks can be deceiving. Horrible, bad apple, I eat it anyway with a sour look upon my face, for I cannot waste an apple. Mushy apple, mushy apple.

Meow.

I went to sleep at 2.30am, before climbing into bed I locked my bedroom door. Sound asleep dreaming of wild things I was awoken by something moving in my bed, not panicked I investigated to find out what it possibly could be. It was the cat I had befriended when I first arrived here in Turkey two weeks ago.  He has been hanging around here all day everyday. But when and how did he get into my bedroom, did he come whilst I was out and just lay under my bed waiting for the rite moment to pounce on me, inconsiderately interrupting my sleep for some love and affection. I decided to write this down before attempting to  get back to sleep since I often confuse my dreams with reality as they are so lifelike and I did not want to wake believing that the above event was a dream or simply something that I imagined. I know it is real since after allowing the cat to climb all over me whilst the covers covered my naked body, I with ought warning got out of bed and led the cat out of the door, enough was enough. Time to go back to sleep now. 

I am...

Never better.